ABYM #1: Always Bring Your Machete

Posted: January 11, 2012 in ABYM #1 Always Bring Your Machete, ABYM Rules
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The most important rule. This rule is unshakable, immutable, and most be obeyed at all times. There are 1001 ways your machete can come in handy…here are just a few

It can cut brush, make people hush, slice bread, leave scorpions dead, measure length, show your strength, dig a hole, replace a surveyor’s pole, light a fire or pop a tire (woops yeah that happened once…)

Your blade can jimmy a car door, make you look hardcore, or settle an uproar.

It can bifurcate your mangoes, orchestrate your death blows, or even….peel an orange or two.

It can shave your face,  clear some space, or open your suitcase (yep, happened once.)

With it you can climb hills and avoid spills, swat bees and clear trees, move rocks and forget your tool box.

Without it you will be blocked in, scared off and turned around. You will be screwed up, SOL and will run aground.

It’s your best friend or your worst foe, never pretend it won’t cut off your toe (almost happened)

But be careful when you wield… oh how you will kneel as it steals your heel, you will feel this unreal steel unleash its zeal and we’ll pray that your foot will heal. (That one definitely happened…twice)

When daybreak hits, it never quits, when dusk arrives, it still thrives.

Your machete can whittle stakes, chop snakes, and cut cakes. It’s an opaque beefcake that won’t break, flake or give you heartache. For this Nica namesake there is no fake, so for Pete’s sake don’t muckrake and always bring your machete.


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