ABYM #5: Never Mess With Africanized Bees

Posted: January 17, 2012 in ABYM Rules
Tags: , , , ,

We’ve all seen the Discovery Channel. The deep voiced announcer says: “Texas. 1993. Jill Grimthorpe is walking her dog along a footpath and it goes near some bushes. Little does she know that buzzing terror lies in wait…” With the grainy gray footage and the moderately low production value we are left to assume that in reality these bees can’t be all that bad if they are forced to resort to such cliché tactics.

Wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Africanized bees are by far the worst thing I have encountered in Nicaragua, or anywhere. Yes that includes impaling my foot and getting salmonella.

Africanized bees are as bad as you can possible imagine something that only weighs half an Advil pill. If you are unfamiliar to how they work, one stings you and then releases an alarm pheromone that allows the rest of the swarm to follow you.

For…

Freakin….

Ever.

Can you imagine what in my arsenal of equipment is best suited to pissing off bees?

So of course I found a really interesting area of rock that happened to be right next to a beehive. Now, I didn’t know the hive was there, if I had known I would’ve sent one of my ayudantes to break the rock and bring it back to me.

😀

But alas, I didn’t, and so for the next kilometer (2 and 1/3rd laps around a track) I was being relentlessly chased by stinging bees and even my ayudantes were being punished for my geological hubris. Did I mention I was on the side of a mountain that looks like this?

A funny thing happens when you are being chased by bees on the side of a cliff. Your brain doesn’t really know which survival mode to listen to. Do I make cautious, calm movements to prevent myself from falling? Or do I run my ass off from these hellacious insects?

Basically it can’t decide on one or the other and you trip a lot and get stung a bunch. Game over.

The real lesson is that I would have been in better shape had I paid better attention to Rule #2.

Never go first.

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Comments
  1. Are there no defenses against the bees? Sprays, clothing, nets, sounds made by an electronic device….? Might be a market opportunity for some sharp bug expert.
    love dad

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