Posts Tagged ‘always bring your machete’

If you had asked me 4 years ago if I ever planned on visiting Latin America, I would have responded with an emphatic no. Maybe it was all of the nature shows called “World’s Most Terrifying Insects” putting 8 of the top 10 somewhere in Latin America, or the stories (read: TV and Movie plot lines) about rampant kidnappings in South America, the whole thing was unappealing.

“Don’t mind me, I’m just crawling casually into your nightmares”

If you had asked me 2 and a half years ago if I would ever go here, after a dejected sigh that can only come from months of underemployment and job seeking, I would’ve said: “I don’t know…..for work I guess.”

So then when I was actually asked to go here for work almost 2 years ago, it was with subdued reluctance that I decided (conditionally) to come down here.

“So what convinced you to come down here? Was it the money?….yeah it was the money wasn’t it.”

Typically, I am reluctant but willing to do a lot of new stuff. I am fully aware that for the most part, I always enjoy new things. Despite that knowledge, I almost invariably need that extra push to try something. This “push” sometimes can be as small as a simple question asking me to try or do something, to more complex incentives.

The myriad of different experiences I have had in the last two years has taught me that one’s openness to new and/or uncomfortable situations doesn’t only reflect what activities they engage in, but defines who they are and in some ways, what they are capable of.

Turns out I am really good at riding apathetic cows

There is no right or wrong way to experience life, and as always, either extreme is usually not the best choice. Someone who lives a simple life who never experiences anything new is missing out just as much as someone who never stops chasing the world is missing the beauty of slowing down to focus on a few things.

Everyone has their own balance. That said, most people tend to be heavy on the safe side of the spectrum, and could do with a little branching out.

There are people I have met that view my life as a toe-in-the-water version of international travel. Conversely, I have met others who revere the very same experiences in a manner that would make you think I was bushwhacking jungles on Pandora. It is all a matter of perspective.

Pictured: Voracious terrastrial testudine with a reinforced plastron dining on a helpless meal

As you know by now, Nicaragua is crazy. Living here has been the coolest, weirdest and most rewarding time in my whole life. There is no single piece of advice I can give to someone that I will stress harder than to go learn another language. I don’t mean learn Spanish or German in a classroom. I am talking about living in a country, surrounded only by people who speak that language. Use a class to prepare, but then just leave it at that. Language is so much more than just a translation of words and sounds; it is a complete projection of who you are, what you are thinking and is framed within the cultural context of where you come from.

When you become fluent not only in the language but the culture of another place, it feels as if you have earned a second life. You can talk and genuinely be yourself yet sound and look absolutely nothing like you do in your original language and culture.

“ehhh ‘oo iz dis Sam joo spek of? Me llamo SannFrancisco Cantorrrr….soy de Nicaragua”

As I come up on two years here, I like to think of the experience to be similar to me trying Sopa de Juevos de Toro (Bull testicle soup). It took me a while to really give it a try. After I did I realized how delicious it is. And even after all this time there are still some lumpy parts with odd texture that you never fully get used to.

What the heck is this?…..

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Working in Nicaragua is…..interesting. It is nothing like working in the US. Everything from employer/employee relations to work attitudes, it is simply a different animal. The biggest difference stems from the public education system. If you think the “memorize this and regurgitate on the test” style of teaching can be bad in the states, I can assure you it exists on a whole different level here. In the US people criticize teaching styles that don’t involve enough critical thinking. Here all education involves exactly zero critical thinking. In most places, it is literally “copy these words, repeat them on the test when asked this exact question.” You could pass classes here without even knowing Spanish just by memorizing the letters and their order. One of the Peace Corps volunteers is always explaining to me how impossibly frustrating it is to teach classes here simply because any departure from this system is met with immediate failure.

Cheating: Not necessary in Nicaragua.

 

This unfortunately translates into a good chunk of the local population that doesn’t think critically, and by extension, employees who don’t think critically.

My bosses explained a lot of these concepts to me when I first started working down here. The boss/employee dynamic here does not, by way of the education system, yield a well managed worker who can solve problems independently as you can find in other places. Instead you have a system wherein the employee carries out any and all demands by the supervisor without any introspection as to the practicality, purpose, logic or function of the task given. This is because the system is built on a hierarchy of responsibility. In many jobs here in Nicaragua, the employee is absolved of any responsibility for any action, regardless of the stupidity, provided the action was EXACTLY what the supervisor told them to do.

 

“He said turn the crane East. He didn’t specify on which axis.”

A funny example of this is when my 3 bosses were in camp and needed a hotel room in the capital for the night. One of my bosses made an obvious joke to an administrator about how they will all stay in the same room and share one twin bed. Another boss, knowing the consequences of such a joke, made it abundantly clear to her that it was a joke, and that they needed 3 separate rooms. However, because the boss who made the joke has authority over her while the other boss who clarified the situation does not, when they got to the hotel, they of course had only one room, with one bed.

 

“……..I may have jokingly mentioned it was my anniversary……my bad guys.”

This behavior makes for an exhausting work environment where you will make an excruciatingly specific plan to buy something, build something etc only to not verbalize one seemingly obvious detail and have it left out yielding the whole operation useless.

Printers without ink, with the wrong ink, different cables, more $300 surge protector/power regulators than outlets, duplicate electronics bought by different people, absurd car trips for unnecessary items, sending away a critically important field truck for a week to fix the A/C etc. ad infintum. It is all simply an attitude you have to adjust to. If you were working somewhere else, your level of detail in explaining tasks and requests would be condescending and met with animosity. Here you are simply being prudent and giving the necessary amount of instructions.

 

“Ok…but you didn’t say DON’T block the road with the tree…that’s all I’m sayin’…..”

 

At this point I feel obliged to point out how important it is to understand the different cultural context. It has nothing to do with intelligence or stupidity, it is simply a cultural difference. In Japan in some business circles it is considered rude not to get hammered with your boss as it is a sign of how comfortable you are with your coworkers. Staying sober says you don’t trust either yourself or them when you are drunk. Obviously in the US getting obliterated at a work function is highly frowned upon and will usually get you fired. Different cultures, different rules. The Nicaraguan work culture is simply centered around covering your ass. At any moment you need to be able to point upwards and demonstrate clearly: “He told me to do this, I did it. It’s his fault that the request was stupid.”

This hierarchy of culpability manifests itself in several ways. The most common of which is when you are trying to find something and asking for help. Because the office is an area of shared space, everyone has access to a lot of shared items. These shared items are simultaneously everyone’s responsibility and no one’s. Therefore every single time you ask for help finding something you are met with a very emphatic, clear, absolute no. The assuredness of their “I don’t know where it is” is almost unbelievable sometimes. It’s almost as if they are claiming they didn’t know it ever existed, much less who used it last.

“What is this “Stääplorr” you speak of? I have heard whispers of such a device but ne’er in the 22 winters that have passed whilst I live and breath have I laid eyes on this contraption.”

This of course is because the item is a shared item, and if they help look for it, or admit to using it last, it can be construed as their fault that it was misplaced.

 

The differences in management style notwithstanding, the real concern is who you hire. Between the socialist revolution and land distribution, the annual free handouts from Daniel Ortega, and the neverending stream of foreign aid through NGO’s, many rural Nicaraguans are extremely conditioned to getting something for nothing. Again, all these influences are simply historical events that have affected the way a lot of them view aid. You have local populations who have either never had a job in their entire life, or the only job that they did have was working for a rich landowner who may have stiffed them of their pay, or had them work for practically nothing. This is then complicated by the fact that the only connection to foreigners that these communities have is through missionaries and NGO’s. While kind-hearted, many of these charitable works end up doing more harm than good, as the assistance they provide is often temporary, but the mentality they instill is permanent. Some communities will acquiesce to a simple concept of gringo-dependence, and will forever wait in frustration for more and more foreign aid.

 

Knowing this, it is not so difficult to understand why a merit-based employment system is such a foreign concept. Work ends up being rationalized as a right instead of an earned privilege, thereby upsetting the most basic tenet of the employer/employee relationship. This leads to tremendous problems when you try and fire someone, as they don’t recognize your right to terminate their employment. It is similar to working for a company and you are the supervisor of the CEO’s son or daughter. You can’t simply fire them like anyone else, the situation is far more delicate and has a different set of rules. Every person you hire has to be considered in two ways, both how they will perform under your employ, and also how they will conduct themselves after you fire them (if you fire them of course.) You have to develop a very keen sense of all the different intents of the people you hire, and whether or not they will try and sabotage your efforts if they don’t feel they are getting what they “deserve.”

 

“Fired?!!? For what?”

 

After long enough, your mindset simply settles in to accepting all these cultural differences and you will behave accordingly without even thinking. Like working in any foreign culture, your attitudes and sensitivities have to adapt to the environment, in that respect, Nicaragua is no different.

 

“No. I don’t care how cool you look in those sunglasses…you can’t drive the truck.”

 

Go get a pineapple. Right now. It’s ok, I’ll wait.

Ok. So this part is easy, cut up the pineapple into some slices and put it in a bowl. Mash it up a little, but don’t get crazy now. Ok. Now put your semi-mashed up pineapple bowl in the freezer.

 

 

Here’s the hard part.

Wait 6-8 hours for it to freeze completely.

6 hours?!

Depending on the power of your freezer, you might need less time. Our freezer in Nicaragua sucks so I like to let it sit overnight.

Ok, now it should look like this.

Helado de Pina…puro magico

Take a knife and stab at that bad boy a bit until you can cut off a piece of it like you would a pie. Put it in a mug or some other reasonable container and enjoy.

Mmmmmmm

This has become my absolute favorite dessert. Something about being frozen makes pineapples even better.

A word of warning. If the container is ceramic and you leave it out for more than a minute or so, the condensation on the bottom of the bowl will build up and freeze when you put it away. This small amount of water is enough to form an ice sheet on the bowl and make it slide around on the counter.

One night, after a fair amount of Rum and Cokes…..I went to get myself some of this fantastic tropical treat. I set the bowl down on the counter and walked two feet to grab a fork when I heard a loud smash. Fortunately I found the frozen sheet of ice laying next to the bowl, thereby relieving my brain of all kinds of crazy scenarios that I had envisioned such as me being drunk and putting the bowl half off of the counter, or Nicaraguan poltergeists playing tricks on me.

Shattered bowl…..shattered dreams

Luck happened to be on my side that fateful night, as the Helado de Pina, being the best dessert ever, was even able to stave off its own destruction by using the frozen strands of pineapple to hold the bowl together, thereby allowing me to eat more of it, and even save some for later.

The dessert lives to see another day…

I don’t always eat fruit that has been on the floor……but when I do…..it’s frozen pineapple.

 

 

Sometimes you have to leave the U.S. to really appreciate all the little things that protect you and make life easier. Everyone in America was raised to “always look both ways before crossing the street.” I remember as a kid thinking “gah, why do we have to stop EVERYTIME only to gape in both directions, obviously there are no cars. This is dumb.” What I didn’t realize at the time was how this repetitive classical conditioning creates the association of approaching a street with checking for traffic before crossing. Even just reading that sentence, it seems so axiomatic that it’s almost not even worth saying. Of course you look both ways, it’s a freakin’ street. Combine this with constant parental insistence on not playing in the street, never chasing your ball into the road, and never getting into cars with strangers, and you have a very comprehensive set of habits and associations that keep you safe as a child and an adult.

 

How many Nicaraguans does it take to break back into your own truck?

 

Down here they have none of that. People get hit by cars all the time. It’s crazy. I’ve seen mothers carrying their baby cross a busy highway without looking even once. I’ve been in the car LITERALLY hundreds of times where we had to swerve or slam on the brake to avoid someone absent-mindedly crossing the road. It happens 2-3 times a week minimum, even in the areas where we are always driving. Combine this with the general absence of traffic laws and you get a place with a lot of automobile accidents and fatalities.

 

There are all kinds of different highway street performers….most of them are fire jugglers or clowns….

 

In the 19 months I have been here I have seen 2 police cars outside of Managua, the capital city. Traffic is basically self-regulated everywhere outside of there. For the most part, surprisingly, it works. People pass each other like they have a huge bet in Vegas on a fiery car crash, but I think the overall crappyness of all of the cars actually works to keep speeds very low. The speed limits are around 65 kph (~40mph) and a lot of cars barely can even hit the speed limit because they are so busted down (or are carrying an absurd amount of weight.) Also, cars are insanely expensive relative to not only the median Nicaraguan wage, but to U.S. cars. We bought some used trucks for $18,000 each, and that was after some successful haggling. Basically anywhere south of the border has cheap everything, but expensive cars and electronics, so most people here have neither cars nor a lot of electronics. These factors definitely combine to make the actual road fatality numbers a lot lower than you would expect.

 

One of my guys has this for his driver’s license picture. Yes this is a valid driver’s license. Yes that is a picture of him as a baby.

 

All this aside, the actual inspiration for this rule came from an epiphany I had whilst we almost hit some lady with our car. But first I will back up.

From my office/house to one of the drill sites it is about 33 minutes in a truck, the road is not very good so we can’t go very fast, maybe 25 mph tops on some of the smoother areas. The last 4 months I have had to make this trip almost every day, and so I found ways to occupy the time. Whether it be buying Harry Potter on tape in German and using that 33 minutes (66 round trip) to try to expand my language skills, sleeping, or by getting to know the locals. One of the locals who I pass everyday is this blind man named Pichardo. Surprisingly enough, he is one of the people who is never in the path of the truck when we are driving to site. It is a gravel road so the truck makes a lot of noise, and he hears it distinctly from about 100m away. He will turn and whistle at us right when we are passing him. This hearing dominant perspective of the world is pretty common with blind people everywhere.

An interesting thing occurs when we have two trucks going to the field. Because it is such a low traffic road (~5 cars a day including us) it’s generally safe to assume that there is only one car. So when we are driving with two he will often get out of the way upon hearing the first car and start walking back to the middle of the road in the path of the second car before it has to honk and alert him of its presence. The overwhelming sound of the first car washes out the sound of the second one.

 

Nicaraguans, known for their savvy use of space, never waste the roof of a bus

After seeing him walk back into the road after a first car I was keen to see if normally sighted locals do it too. Interestingly enough, over the course of the last several months I noticed that almost everyone locates cars this way, blind or not. Nearly every time we have two cars it occurs where they will hear it coming, get out of the way and without even looking back, walk right back into the middle of the road. The only times they will turn their head and use their eyes is when they need a ride, as we are the only ones who ever gives anyone a ride.

After noticing this I started seeing it everywhere. On the highway, people use the sound of approaching cars to move away but rarely turn back and look. This might be one of the main reasons they tend not to look for cars when crossing the road as they normally check by listening. Of course in comparison, this is a far more dangerous way to conduct oneself around roadways. From noise pollution drowning out the sound of other cars to the simple difference in the velocity of the waves (the speed of light is 873,000 times faster), obviously looking for cars is superior to listening to them.

Really the bottom line is that you can’t blame anyone for this. Most of the people here didn’t grow up around cars like Americans. Cars in America are so ubiquitous it is unbelievable. It is almost perfectly opposite in impoverished countries. In the U.S. it is odd if you don’t have access to a car and even weirder if you don’t have your driver’s license. But down here it’s perfectly understandable why no one talks about street safety or car safety. Even the animals don’t yield the road to cars. You have to drive around all the street dogs otherwise you will actually run them right over, no matter how slow you are going.
This all brings me back to the rule. The few people that do drive, drive like maniacs. No stop signs. No passing safety. No seat belts. So if you do go to Central America or Nicaragua specifically, keep your head sharp near roads and definitely always look both ways.

 

Oh and always say Guat Zap to the locals.

Due to most of my time being dominated by the part of my job I am not legally allowed to disclose in a public forum, writing new ABYM’s has become more challenging over the last several months.

So I decided I would start a new category that I can use to showcase the part of my life that does not take place in Nicaragua….my vacations.

First, a quick overview of my work schedule and how my vacations work.

1st: I get paid per diem. This means I have no hours, no overtime, no anything….just days. Occasional if it is warranted I will bill a half day, but basically I either work a day or I don’t. That being said, my time off is not equal to paid vacations. Each day I am on vacation represents in a sense, a lost day of pay.

2nd: The company I work for pays for the geologists to fly home at the end of each rotation. For me, a flight back to Colorado is actually quite expensive. So I settled upon a mutually beneficial situation in which I fly to mostly not CO destinations, and so long as the cost of the flight isn’t more than what it would be to go back to CO (80% of the time) I don’t have to pay for the flight. On the rare instances it costs more, I simply pay the difference.

3rd: I coordinate my schedule with the other geologists and needs of the project, but outside of that the starting and ending days tend to be very flexible.

Since starting this job in January 2011, I have traveled more than I ever thought I would. It sometimes surprises me when I am sitting in an airport comparing and contrasting little idiosyncrasies that are present between the Central American countries when only a couple years prior I couldn’t ever even think about me visiting (much less living) down here. I will get to the other countries and their differences (IMO) later, but I figured I would start with my favorite place south of the border, somewhere where I think everyone should go before it changes too much…..

Cuba was an amazing place, and an amazing experience. The current legal restrictions are basically a scare tactic and are actually categorized under the trading with the enemy act and prohibit you from engaging in any form of commerce with a Cuban entity. This exists despite Congress’ formal declaration in 1999 that Cuba is no longer and enemy. I could go through a bunch of stuff on the legal ins and outs, but it’s easier just to post this link.

http://www.jameslewisrn.com/
This guy is awesome. He has done anything and everything he can to explore every nook and cranny of American travel to Cuba. He has tours you can take, advice to give, and will even personally answer any and all e-mails you send him (he answered mine.)
*Legal Disclaimer: All advice above aside, any information hinting to purchases made in Cuba refer to 3rd person purchases that through good fortune and charm I was able to enjoy for free, and are only told from a first person perspective to yield a more easily understandable story.

🙂

So now that you understand how to go, the first thing you need to know is….

uba will ruin cigars for you. Seriously.

I had never been much of a cigar person before I went. I would have a Nicaraguan cigar once or twice with my boss, and I was trying to develop a taste so that I could actually tell if a cigar was good or not. The thing that is great about cigars is that they are enjoyable, but generally leave you with no desire to smoke one for a bit. Maybe you are celebrating something, maybe it was a long day, who knows. But they certainly aren’t an everyday thing.

Except in Cuba.

Ya gotta fit in somehow….

Cuban cigars are crazy. They are smooth, have great taste, and leave no shitty aftertaste, headache, drymouth, grit on your teeth, etc etc that most other cigars leave. They are so palatable, that while walking around Cuba you almost feel weird not smoking one. I went with a friend, and about 75% of the trip was spent drinking mojitos, playing yahtzee, and smoking cigars. Cigars went from being a once a month indulgence that always had a twinge of remorse afterwards to being an after-meal delight following any food intake after breakfast.

Not only are they fantastic, but they are absurdly cheap. A box of 25 Cohibas can be purchased for under $75, and handmade cigars from local campesino tobacco farmers you can get for $20 (roll of 10).

So now cigars are great. They are awesome. You love ’em.

Until you go ANYWHERE else.

Now anything you smoke is a dried up husk of burnt wood that seems to leave this horrible taste in every part of your body.

You go from weenie amateur to complete snob in one trip.

You come back and talk about them like they are some mythical secret, meanwhile everyone else sees you like this:

“Nah man….you just DON’T understand how good they are!

nderstanding Cuban Spanish is almost impossible.
I don’t care how many years you took Spanish in high school, or if your family is Mexican and you are fluent. Cuban Spanish is freakin’ tough.

Here’s an exercise. If you can read my blog, it’s safe to assume you can speak English.

Try to follow along to this song, even with the words printed on screen:


Now imagine that….twice as fast….in something that isn’t your native language….and you have Cuban Spanish.

Fortunately for me, I learned all of my Spanish from back country, hillbilly Nicaraguans, whose Spanish is also hard to understand. Nicaraguans speak slower for sure, and enunciate a little more than Cubans, but still don’t come anywhere close.

It took me a full day and a half and a bunch of rum to start really having conversations in Cuba.

Point being….don’t feel bad if everything flies over your head.

Not even Cubans listen to other Cubans

ring enough money to get out.

Cuba is a place that is unlike almost any other country on Earth. I would bet that North Korea and Antarctica are two other places where your credit card is as useless as a stick on the ground. You have to bring cash in, you need to pay $25 at the airport to get out, you can’t use any American credit card, nor any American debit card to get more cash. There is no US embassy either.

If you lose your passport….you’re screwed.

If you lose your cash….you’re screwed.

I don’t really have any tips on what to do if that happens….so just don’t do it.

Fortunately, Cuba is absurdly cheap. Good rooms can be anywhere from $10-30/night, and most meals (which are fantastic btw) run you about $3 a plate.

Just keep your wits about you, crime on tourists is extremely rare as it basically equals life in prison for a Cuban. Keep your money in multiple places, and don’t end up looking like this:

From the Museum of the Revolution.
Pro-Tip: Don’t pay them the extra fee to take your camera in the museum. This is the only picture worth taking and it is in the lobby.

lways open the box first.

This is an example of a horrible mistake you should never make in a foreign country, except that it has a happy ending. Spoiler alert: I’m not in a Cuban prison.

My friend and I got to Cuba and ended up staying in this fantastic Casa Particular (basically a B&B style establishment, really the only way to stay anywhere in Cuba) called the Purple House. It was run by this wonderfully nice guy named Alejandro. He showed us around Havana, told us what things to see, and even set us up with a place to stay in Vinales. We stayed at his recommendation in Vinales and it was fantastic. The home cooked meals were to die for, the location was great, everything was perfect.

The view from our Casa Particular in Vinales

We decided we would stay with Alejandro in Havana again when we went back, so the woman who we were staying with asked us a favor. She asked me if I could take a box of fruit to Alejandro. Naturally I agreed, given that they had been so nice and neither of us had very much luggage. So the next morning she handed me a medium sized, sealed cardboard box that weighed about 20 pounds. So we walk to the bus station and wait for our Greyhound-like bus to go back to Havana.

It only hit me as I see the bus attendant loading this cardboard box (with Sam Cantor written on it in giant letters in sharpie) that I had never actually LOOKED inside the box. She told me it was fruit……but was it? I had no idea. And now it was below the bus, stamped with my name on it. Sure I had the lady’s business card, Alejandro’s business card, and their names, but regardless of what that box contained, I was bearing complete responsibility of the legality of the contents within.

Thus began what I can describe as the most stressful 3 hours of my life. I began to imagine all kinds of scenarios from the box simply containing fruit like they said, to it containing a bunch of drugs and me being caught in a complicated tourist-trap drug smuggling operation and me spending the rest of my life in a Cuban prison. My friend did her best to try and calm me down, which only yielded an extremely stressed and hushed utterance of: “IT’S NOT YOUR NAME ON THE FUCKING BOX!”

Finally we got to Havana, and took a taxi to Alejandro’s and I dropped off the most hated thing in all of my existence. This stupid box.

He accepted it with a humble thanks, and then showed us to his nearby friend’s Casa Particular as he was full. Before we left, I asked him what was in the box and he let me open it……….

4 frozen pineapples.

:/

Pineapples.

I couldn’t decide if I was relieved that it was nothing all along or annoyed that I had been paranoid over nothing.

The point is, when you are traveling abroad, always remember that courtesy should not come with ignorance, and that no matter how stressed you just were, some mojitos and good Cubans fixes everything.

Viva la Revolucion!

You can’t set anything in stone in Nicaragua. For the most part, Central America as a whole is like this, but Nicaragua takes it to the extreme.

If you are a type A, everything-and-everyone-on-time kind of person, make sure to pack extra chill pills for down here. If your trip and mindset are not flexible, you will lose your mind and not enjoy anything.

Sometimes you get to a hotel after you called to make sure they have space only to find they have no rooms. It happens, just find another hotel. Sometimes you get to your room and some of the features advertised don’t work/aren’t there. Politely ask for another room and if they don’t work there simply let it go, because chances are none of the rooms work.

These are the “hot showers” that they have. This particular one was ghetto-rigged to the point that any water that came out of the shower head in an unbroken stream was completely electrified.
The solution? I took a shower squatting down.

You always need to keep in mind the difference in mentality between a U.S. hotel and a Central American hotel. Most of them are not run by driven entrepreneurs looking to maximize profits by being the best hotel around. Instead they are run by some family who has a very laid back lifestyle and runs the hotel as a means of subsistence and probably has no idea what their profit margin is, if they even make a profit. When you understand this, their inherent lack of capitalistic competitive edges like excellent services, working rooms and up to date contact info make a lot more sense.

If you find out that your igloo randomly doesn’t have electricity, don’t be afraid to ask for one that does.

Furthermore, when you understand this, you realize how futile and misguided it is to quibble over amenities. Most of the places where these are issues are generally situated around beautiful natural landmarks anyways, so you should really focus your energy on climbing the volcano or admiring the beauty of the lake next to you.

Everyone knows not to drink the water in Central America. This is axiomatic. But it is always hard to avoid contaminated water no matter how careful you are. Even if you live here and are accustomed to most of the bacteria, you still get sick from time to time. Someone might wash a tomato with bad water, or make ice cubes, you never really know.

My most recent bout of sickness came from eating a day old club sandwich when I was in El Salvador. Whether it was the condiments, the tomato, or some other part of the sandwich, the source is irrelevant. Don’t save food for later when you travel down here.

4 hours post-sandwich, 18 hours post dicey looking Quiznos sub. And yes, I did end up sleeping on that road for a bit while we waited for the bus

I struggled with what could have been E. Coli for the whole week I was in El Salvador before finally giving in and taking some Ciprofloxacin the last night I was there. Cipro is the the antibiotic of choice for the military, and it is common for troops to take a prophylactic course of Cipro before entering certain areas.

Ciprofloxacin

Now I don’t like taking Cipro because it is a freaking nuclear bomb. You clean out your whole entire system. In theory this sounds great, but our digestive tract evolved for a symbiotic relationship with a multitude of bacteria (called commensals) that are not only helpful but required for proper digestive function. In the past when I have gotten sick, I took Cipro, killed everything, felt better. But less than 2 weeks later I would inevitably get sick again. Because I was cleaning house everytime, I was left defenseless and only exited the cycle by suffering through an episode.

Enter my El Salvador bacteria. After taking a somewhat interrupted course of Cipro, I felt better. But today I could feel the same bacteria coming back. The stomach churning, frequent burping, and other less mentionable symptoms, they all were coming back. Knowing I shouldn’t take Cipro again, i remembered back to one of my coworkers talking about solving his recent bout of sickness by eating whole cloves of raw garlic. After some brief internet research to make sure he wasn’t crazy (well, actually he is out of his mind, but in this case he was right) I went for it.

From some of the sources I found online:

A bulb of garlic, Allium Sativum L., has from four to 16 or more cloves, depending on variety. In each of these cloves are cells containing the main compound of garlic, an amino acid called Alliin. In separate cells an enzyme called alliinase resides. Whenever the cellular walls separating them are damaged, some of the enzyme comes into contact with the amino acid and this sets off a chemical reaction that causes sulfenic acid to form instantly. But sulfenic acid is unstable and reacts with itself and breaks down at a steady rate into another unstable compound called allicin, which has a strong antibiotic property.

The following pictorial guide will help anyone needing to remedy a bacterial stomach problem with nothing more than garlic and water.

1: Obtain some cloves of raw garlic. Make sure they are not irradiated (read: from China) and undamaged and then peel them.

Whole clove of garlic. Check

2: Put your peeled pieces into a blender with a small amount of water.

Remember, you want to drink it all at once like a shot, so don’t use too much water.

3: Blend until you get rid of most of the chunks.

Mmmmmm

4: Chunky, frothy, garlic shake…..

Delicious

5: Spoon out the big chunks and filter the froth if you want. (You want to do this….trust me)

The Aftermath

6: Filtered garlic shake. I call it The Buffy

The Buffy

7: Drink it like it’s your 21st birthday.

It starts burning…..like right away. Even if you straight shoot it, your tongue will burn for a second. The sensation as it goes down feels slightly similar to a straight shot of Everclear, but it weighs heavier in your stomach. Honestly, I would suggest taking it and then sitting down immediately. Drink a small swig of water after, and just ride it out. It burns in your stomach so your body wants to throw it up, but if you can just meditate on it for about a minute it subsides.

All the painful cramping and twisting in my stomach that the bacterial infection was creating dissipated instantly, and from what I have been reading all it takes is a small plop of raw garlic in the morning and night for a couple days to finish the job.

Apparently it is customary for people in China to eat small bits of raw garlic with their food as a constant protection against bacteria.

………………….maybe I should just stop eating old sandwiches….

*http://www.gourmetgarlicgardens.com/health.htm#anchordetailedhealth